Whoooaaaa! Where did that word come from? I felt like life's elevator car just suddenly dropped 20 floors. Die? Um......nooOOO! That's not going to happen. It's not. And then I thought---why did this startle (nay shock) me so much? Wednesday we had an appointment with the oncologist. She was friendly, empathetic, and, well...clinical. She drew a timescale of surgery....chemo.....radiation....surgery....different kind of drug treatment. A pill for five years.But she also told us that this "thing" and its accompanist, HER2--was something that they knew well and could cure. Have I mentioned that we were happy to hear that? We left in a reasonably good mood, glad that we had a path, a plan, and extraordinarily happy about the cure.Later in the afternoon, I was driving Kyle home from school. Since we've been talking with the kids about all that's happening from the beginning of this journey, I thought nothing of telling him about our doctor's visit that day--about the type of cancer and the cure. I asked him if he had any questions or anything he wanted to talk about. He smiled and said, "No." Same as always. I self congratulated because I thought we were explaining this so well that there were no questions. No issues. No anxiety. No worries. No emotion. Later that evening, he was reading on the couch sitting next to Diane. She asked him if I'd talked to him about the doctor's visit. He said yes and was glad because until then, he didn't think there was a cure for cancer. Whooooaaaaa. There's that elevator again. Wasn't a 20 floor drop but there was a significant sinking feeling in my stomach and heart. He'd walked around for days thinking his mom was going to die.What are the broiling emotions behind the calm face that everyone else sees? I actually ached for him; he was trying to act as if nothing had changed when in fact, everything, everything has changed. What about the other two? Why were they not talking about this alien that's spawned itself in my wife's body without even a howdy-do of warning or notice? What were they thinking? What was below the surface?Still waters. I think not.Me. I'm okay.Diane. She's okay.But then, last night out of the blue, she said, "I do not want to die." There is no real response. Just holding. We will be okay.